so i'm back in LA yet again. i got back yesterday around 10 pm. it's nice to be home but then again i miss everyone already! :( i didn't go to bed until like 3 and had to wake up at 7:30. my aunt made me chocolate chip pancakesand she even went to the store to buy all of it. i really <3 her. she's done so much for me. after we ate, me, tyler, my aunt, cssandra, and brittney all drove to brenda's where we met up with brenda, jim, cameron, haylea, and payton and headed to the zoo. the kids had a blast there. i got to hold payton the whole time in one of those carriers that you war like a backwards backpack. i love coming home and seeing how much he grew but then it reminds me of how i'm going to miss watching him grow like the other kids and how i'm going to miss all the other ones too.......

after the zoo, we headed to bay beach. that place is soooo amazing. most of the rides cost only 25 cents and a few are 50 cents. but it's just like the fair. the rides are all the same length even. everythings just cheaper there, even the food and it's more family and lil kid orientated. by the time we left, the kids were getting a bit crabby since we were outside all day and we couldn't pump enough fluids in them but they were still pretty damn good. i'm really proud to see that they grew up so well behaved. the ride home was long but i read for a bit and then fell asleep. by the time we got home, i was feeling like crap from the lack of sleep and the way i feel asleep in the car. my dad was home when we got back and i found out that he bought me a whole ton of food. i was surprised and very thankful. after talking to mmy dad for a bit, i headed upstairs with tyler and he gave me an amazing back rub. :) it was uber nice of him. i ended up falling asleep though andsleeping for 2 or 3 hours.

when i woke up, i was hungry as hell so i headed downstairs and ate. me and tyler BSed with my dad for awhile. it's nice talking to him again. i found out that my car is basically junk so duae is giving me megan's car to fix up. depending on what gears are messed up, it could cost up to $500. so i maybe down here for awhile. but i'm so gratefully for everything my family has done for me lately. idk where i'd be without them.

tomorrow me and tyler are going out to eat with my mom...... that'l be interesting. hopefully we live through it. and sunday is payton's baptism so this weekend will be busy. also, i want to gt my tattoo on either my birthday or the monday afterwards. i CAN NOT wait!!!!! it's going to be kick ass!!! we'll i best be going. me and tyler are going to watch a movie. we're still undecided on what one though lol. i'm so happy he's down here with me though. :D

Tags: bay beach, green bay, home, kids, la, new tattoo, plans
Location: LA aka HOME! :)
Mood: thankful
Music: absoule quite....... for now

so i'm just sitting at the apartment enjoying the quite and alone time. i haven't been by myself since i graduated so it's actually nice. i <3 being up in EC. there's always something to do and people to hang with. me and tyler have been around each other 24/7 since i graduated and it's been leading to some fighting so he went to borders with theresa and i stayed at the apartment. it's kinda nice to jsut sit back and collect all my thoughts.

i'm leaving for home again tomorrow so that i can visit jesse one last time before his program in point is over. he has a hearing on friday to see if the judge will lower his bond or give him a signature bond. that would be extremely good for him, jail doesn't help him at all. sure, he's on anti-depressants right now but if he goes back to jail, he wont get them. the rehab's been helping him and he's come a long way and i hope to God that he doesn't have to go back to jail and sit until his hearing, it'll just push him back to how he was before and no one wants that.

my grad party is this saturday. that'll be interesting. my mom is actually going to be there and so are a lot of random family memebers that i can't stand. but yeah........ tyler's probably going to head back to EC on saturday or sunday and i'll probably stay home until my car gets fixed. i'm kinda nervous to drive back up by myself...... i know how to get to EC but i hate city driving and idk my way around EC. but i'll hopefully get used to it. i know my way to basic places from the apartment so i should be good for the most part........ i hope lol.

i've noticed that i've been updating this a lot and most of it has been positive and that makes me really happy. i think it's because i don't sit around my house doing nothing any more. i've been hanging out with people 24/7. bowling, mt simon, the hotel, uncle pat's house. it all has been great. i've never had this much to do or this many people who actually want to hang out. i can't wait to perminantly move up here. the only thing that's stopping me at this point is my need for a job. no one's really hiring so it's been hard to find one. the only places tht are really looking are fast food and i only want to apply there as a last resort but it's looking like i have to. *sigh*

i had orientaion for CVTC yesterday. tyler went with me and sat through the meeting too so that was really nice. i can't wait to start scheduling my classes and everything. most of my classes invole me kinda job shadowing people so that's going to be really fun. is it sad that i can't wait to start school again? i'm going to have to spend a lot of time at school too so i'm not going to be able to hang out with friends as much but it'll be worth it in the long run.

so yeah...... i might be hanging with kelsey and posibly brandon tonight. it depends on what tyler wants to do but i'm sure he'll want to. another good reason to get my car fixed soon, i wont have to follow tyler around like a lost puppy. i LOVE spending time with him but at the same time, i know we need some time apart otherwise it wont work.

blah...... so i think i'm going to go watch some more Hare + Guu. i need to rewatch some episodes since i feel asleep while tyler and theresa were watching it and now is a good time to cach up. i'm seriously considering cosplaying Guu next NBC, i <3 her.







reverie- a state of dreamy meditation or fanciful musing

Tags: alone, ec, friends, home, job, moving, new, partying, school, silence, thinking
Location: the apatment
Mood: peaceful
Music: silence :)

Blah, I feel like shit. My tummy still hurts and I'm really sick of fighting. I want a cig right now but I'm sick of other people giving them to me. I want my own but that'll just lead to more fighting so screw it. *sigh* I could drink but I don't feel like it right now...... Blah.... I smell smoke and now I reallllly want to smoke but I refuse to take any from theresa. Whatever, I'll just go fill out job aplications since I have nothing else to do......






abstruse- dealing with matters difficult to be understood

Tags: bored, cigs, drinking, job, smoking
Location: theresa and jasmine's apartment
Mood: frustrated
Music: nothing, but south park is on

blah, so i'm just sitting at home uber bored and waiting for tyler to wake up. i've been in amherst since early early tuesday morning. and look who jsut woke up....... tyler. lol but yeah, it's been pretty boring down here. i've been sleeping a lot, it's sooo nice to finally sleep in a bed again lol. but it was my aunts birthday yesterday and me, alli, and tyler made her a cake. tyler did almost all of the decorating and it turned out pretty good. then we went out to eat at Wander Inn. all you can eat taco night! lol me and tyler ended up walking home and it was nice. blah....... tyler left me to go take a shower so yeah....... BORED!!!! blah...... lets see........ oh, i'm going to see jesse today around 7. ari's going so hopefully i'll get to see her too. *sigh* how can i be so bored? my phone hasn't been working lately either so yeah, if you can't get ahold of me on it, just message me on facebook. i'll hopefully get it fixed tomorrow. blah, ok, i'm going to try to find something to do i guess.........






enigma- something hard to understand or explain

Tags: bored, cake, home, random
Location: home, for now
Mood: bored
Music: bright eyes

So yeah, I'm sitting at the hotel and I'm uber bored..... I've been having an amazing time up in EC. I've applied for a couple of places online and hopefuly I can go around and get some applications tomorrow.

Blah, oh so bored. Omg, the nanny is on!!! I haven't seen that in forever. Blah blah..... My tummy hurts :( its been hurting all day too.

God, I hate being so bored that you don't know what to write.......







recalcitrant: resisting authority or control; not obedient or compliant; refractory.

Tags: blah, bored, hotel, jobs, nanny
Location: the hotel
Mood: jealous
Music: nothing

*sigh* so much has been going one lately. first off, i got a car but it's at TNT. we don't know what's wrong with it but hopefully we'll figure out soon. i FINALLY finished all of my paperwork for CVTC. i had to go down to the police department today and get fingerprinted for my criminal history backround check. i had to send that in with all of my paperwork. i'm sooo happy that that's all done now.

blah, there's been a lot of drama lately. the first is one that i'm sick of hearing about. it never really bothered me all to much but whatever, i'm over it and that's all that really needs to be said. the other person knows what i think and i may not agree with what they are doing but that's just how it is. on another subject, ari got a letter in the mail yesterday and it was basically a suicide letter from jesse. thank God that he didn't go through with it. i may be over him but i still want to stay friends with him and i care about him. it's bullshit that his insurance won't pay for him to stay at st mike's instead of the jail. that place is slowly killing him. he doesn't get his meds and if you combined that with having nothing to do all day, the result isn't good. that letter was extremly hard to read. i printed out a copy and gave it to aunt penny today so that she could give it to uncle g. if anyone can get jesse to stop thinking like that, it's him.

so, only se7en more days of school left and i can not wait for it to end! i have one HUGE speech to do in english on monday and then i'm pretty much done with homework. the last three weeks have been hell and i can't wait for it all to be over. plus, tyler's coming down for the graduation ceremony so i'll get to see him then. :) i'm really missing him. i'm glad that we talk every night online but i miss being near him. :(

i'm going to start applying for jobs online this weekend. i'm thinking about Wal*Mart, Target, and things like that. then i'll hopefully go up there sometime soon after i graduate so that i can apply at places at the mall and other places that i can't apply for online. i'm so excited to move! i can't wait to be independent. i know that i'm going to have to be really strict on what i spend money on but i want to go out and be on my own.







Word of the Day

indelibly - cannot be removed; incapable of being lost or forgotten

Tags: cvtc, drama, jail, missing him, paperwork, school, speech, stress
Location: school libary
Mood: bored
Music: nothing

blah, so i'm just sitting in math with nothing to do yet again so i fugured i'd update. tyler's been staying at my house ever since NBC. he get's bored while i'm at school and i feel kinda bad... but we've been having a good time. we visited kelson after her surgary and she's looking pretty good. she walks like an old grandma but who could blame her lol. tyler, me, and my dad worked on my car all day saturday. we put in a new starter and a new battery and we made it all the way to McDonalds in rothschild where we ate and then it wouldn't start..... it's still sitting there too. T_T hopefully we can find out whats wrong with it soon and fix it. blah...... i'm soooo bored right now that it's not even funny. let's see...... oh, tyler offered to take the kids to nelsonville park when i left for break. so i helped him load up the monsters and he left in my aunts van with them. hopefully they all come back alive lol. well, i thought i had more to say but i guess i don't...... blah........









oh, and it's it's finally offical!!!!!!! XD

Tags: bored, car, kids, math, monsters
Location: south computer lab
Mood: bored
Music: matt whisling some random tune

So I'm currently sitting on the floor in the main room at NBC!!! Right now is the cosplay contest and we're in the back without chairs :( my knees hurt and I can't see anything so I figured that I would update. I'm having an AMAZING time! I cosplayed as an other the last two days with Tyler. He was a member of Dharma and there's been a few people who reconized him but I just look like a hobo lol. Though, Frey says I look like a lost child from Peter Pan and I kinda see it too. I can't wait for the dance, it's going be awesome! And after that, the pinata party! Am very proud of it, I stayed up uber late with jasmine, tyler, and threasa. Spencer stayed up for quite awhile, but he went to bed earlier cuz he was tired.

Blah, someone opened up the outside doors and now I'm cold......

Tags: cold, cosplay, dance, floor, nbc
Location: NBC's main room floor
Mood: ecstatic

so much to write about so i better get writing so that i can go watch lost! lol damn tyler for starting a possible new addiction lol.

first off, ALL day i've been worrying about money. NBC is in a little over two weeks and i have no way to get money for it right now. i'm been asking around seeing if i could do any small jobs or babysit for people but i've got nothing so far. idk, i should be able to get some money from my dad later next week but thats a maybe. i know my aunt and uncle would be willing to geive me some but i felt bad enough when i had to accept money from them so that i could escape last weekend. then i finally talked to my guidence counselor about applying to the tech up in EC and i filled out the application and everything. now i need $30 dollars before i can send that out. my dad said he'd pay for it but it's got to wait until next thursday. i mean, i'm already applying pretty late and i just don't want to wait another week. i know i need a job, like REALLY bad but i also want to move right away when i graduate so it'd be a bit pointless to apply for jobs down here. ......idk, i just hate having to plan for things and then being told i have to wait.

i stopped in the elementry office today before i left for my break and aunt penny wasn't there so i waited for her and when she saw me through the window she started smiling. once she got in, the first words out of her mouth were "i'm glad you came, i was hoping you would." idk, it just reminded me of why she's "aunt" penny. we talked for about 20 mins and it was really nice. uncle G is hopefully going to visit jesse soon. he's trying to work things out because theres a couple of werid rules and shit since there hasn't been a trail yet. but yeah, we exchanged all of the new info that we both found out and promised to keep each other updated with everything.

yeah..... idk, i had so much to write about but i'm getting sucked into my music and i can't remember what it all was..... oh wells, this is good enough for now i guess.......

Tags: hope, jail, job, money, nbc, school, tech, worries
Location: my room
Mood: thoughtful
Music: Nirvana

can't anyone say anything good about me? i mean, sure jesse has every right to right now. i didn't really care all to much that he was but now everyone else is too. i can think of two people who aren't. yippy! i feel great about myself. i'm a fucking lying, lazy bum, drug addict, obsesive, whore/slut. yay. whatever. can't you just feel the self confidnce coming off of me?

*sigh* anyways, i'm going to get a car soon so that should make things easier on me. it's really weird that brenda's going to be the one buying it for me. me and her were always like sisters and still are i guess. we would always fight and yell. it think it's just because when i was born, i was living with them and i took away her spot as the baby lol. but me, brenda, and rhonda are so much like sister's that it amazes me. i mean, i told my aunt that i wanted to move out really soon after i graduate and she almost started to cry. idk, it just made me feel really loved.

any who, i'm really excited to see how easter weekend works out..... there's a couple different ways it could but i'm just hopeing one of them works. i've been so happy lately. i think it's because one of my major stresses is gone and someone really showed me how mcuh being positive can effect your mood. the only things that have really been bugging me is all the stuff people have been saying about me and the fact that alli never has time for anyone but liz so that means i have absouletly NOTHING to do anymore. but other than that, i'm doing pretty good.

idk...... i'm starting to get a headache so i don't want to think all to much.....

Tags: car, easter weekend, negative, positive, stress, thinking
Location: my room
Mood: tired
Music: nothing right now..... head hurts too much